After the information grew to become public, my mother advised me that one among her associates known as her and stated, “Properly, this will’t be true. I imply, your daughter isn’t homosexual.” My mother felt that it was apparent, from the best way her good friend emphasised the phrase, that she meant it judgmentally. And you realize what my mother stated? “Oh honey, I believe she’s fairly homosexual. And he or she’s glad.”

I lastly really feel like I can breathe. I do not assume I can clarify how profound that’s. I really feel like I used to be carrying a weighted vest for who is aware of how lengthy. I hadn’t realized how heavy it was till I lastly simply put it down. This would possibly sound loopy—however I believe different folks in trauma restoration will get it—I’m taking deep breaths once more. I can really feel my legs and ft. I can really feel my ft in my sneakers proper now. It makes me need to cry and snicker on the identical time.

It’s so, so scary to do the courageous factor, to say, “I’m simply not glad.” Particularly in the event you’re in a partnership and it’s a must to say it first. However in the event you do it, you get the possibility to be glad. To seek out your pleasure. I turned 41 final summer season, amid all of this, and I heard the phrases I used to be saying to my greatest good friend as they got here out of my mouth. “I really feel like that is my first birthday,” I advised her. This 12 months was my very first birthday.

Sophia Bush is an actor, activist, and host of the podcasts Work in Progress and Drama Queens. Comply with her at @sophiabush.

Photographer: Lauren Dukoff
Stylist: Deborah Afshani
Hair: Matthew Collins
Make-up: Afton Williams
Manicure: Brittney Boyce

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