Atoning during Yom Kippur : NPR

Within the fall of 2021, Nancy Piness couldn’t deliver herself to select up the telephone and name her pal, despite the fact that that they had recognized one another for many years.

Earlier that 12 months, that they had one thing of a falling out. There was nobody horrible factor that occurred, however through the years that they had disagreements, variations of opinion and rigidity. Sooner or later, it simply turned an excessive amount of they usually stopped speaking.

“I intentionally prevented her avenue,” Piness mentioned. “I intentionally hoped I would not run into her on the grocery retailer.”

This time of 12 months, Piness thinks about her pal rather a lot.

That’s as a result of Friday night time marks the start of Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement) — the holiest day of the Jewish 12 months. It’s noticed with fasting, prayer and deep introspection.

“Yom Kippur is seen as this actually particular window the place if you happen to specific an precise remorse and also you ask to be absolved, then God will absolve something — actually something,” explains Rabbi Chana Leslie Glazer, interim rabbi at a congregation in King of Prussia, Pennsylvania.

“There may be one little caveat, although. In case you do not make proper with the opposite individuals that you have harm, then that may’t be forgiven,” mentioned Glazer.

This concept is central to the Jewish Excessive Holidays. And within the weeks main as much as Yom Kippur, many Jews attempt to restore damaged relationships.

“There are lots of people who will go round,” mentioned Glazer, ”writing up an inventory of all of the those that they should ask forgiveness from and that they wish to apologize to.”

However this course of requires preparation.

A method that is achieved is thru a service known as selichot, which occurs throughout the week earlier than the Jewish New 12 months (Rosh Hashanah). The phrase selichot means pardons, and the service is designed to assist one mirror on the methods through which they’ve fallen brief up to now 12 months.

For the sins now we have dedicated

On a moist Saturday night time in northwest Washington, DC a small group of congregants collect collectively at Temple Micah. 67-year-old Nancy Piness was certainly one of them.

Standing in a circle, they lit a braided candle, sipped from a ceremonial cup of wine, smelled candy spices and recited the blessings that mark the ending of Shabbat. Then they filed into the sanctuary, and started the selichot service.

One of many prayers they recited is the Al Chet — a communal confession of sins which is alleged many instances over the course of the Excessive Holidays. It pairs with one other prayer known as Ashamnu, through which many congregants clench their proper hand in a fist and pound their coronary heart as they recite every sin.

That is the fourth Excessive Vacation season that Piness has been out of normal contact along with her pal, who isn’t Jewish. This 12 months, she lastly feels able to have a dialog. And he or she’s been pondering rather a lot about what she’ll say.

“I can inform it is emotional now and I can really feel the lump in my throat and I could burst into tears, which she does not at all times perceive,” mentioned Piness. When she lastly picks up the telephone to name or textual content, she mentioned her message can be one thing like: “An excessive amount of time has passed by. I miss you. And I hope we will discover a while quickly to speak.”

Forgiveness is a course of

The Jewish thinker Maimonides outlined 4 steps that make up the method of looking for atonement or forgiveness. Glazer explains that step one is to acknowledge the improper motion and cease. Second, to verbally confess. Third, to genuinely remorse the motion. And the fourth is to ensure to not do it once more.

For years, Piness was caught between these steps.

“I might be in companies for hours on finish and take into consideration issues. However I am a feeler, and I am a doer. And it is time to act,” mentioned Piness.

So this 12 months, she lastly did attain out.

“I used to be anxious,” mentioned Piness. “I used to be actually anxious. And I did not wish to choose up the telephone and name as a result of she’s not a telephone individual. And so I texted.”

She requested how her pal was doing and if they might discuss in individual.

“She wrote again minutes later. And he or she mentioned, ‘Hello Nancy — thanks for being in contact. I’m prepared to get collectively, however proper now I’m the one with too many issues happening.’”

Piness plans to take a seat down along with her pal, as quickly as they each can. However she is aware of there’s nonetheless plenty of work to do, and it gained’t be achieved earlier than Yom Kippur begins at sunset on Friday. 

Glazer advises lots of people who’re having bother making amends, and who could really feel stress to do it on deadline round Yom Kippur.

“We discuss on the finish of Yom Kippur that it is the closing of the gates and that is the top of your window. And that is extra meant to encourage individuals to actually assume deeply, as deeply as they presumably can about what they’ve achieved and to actually go so far as they’ll with it,” Glazer mentioned.

“But additionally it is vital to know that if you happen to do not fairly get all the way in which there by the top of Yom Kippur, it is completely effective to go in later and do the remainder of your work.”

Piness is relieved that despite the fact that issues aren’t fully resolved, at the very least she’s taken these first steps.