Cast Away review – Phillip Schofield is an incredibly bitter man (but he sure knows how to entertain) | Television & radio

It’s laborious to recollect a present as salivatingly anticipated by sure quarters as Forged Away. Because of a cautious drip-feed of particulars within the press, the present has promised nothing lower than poor outdated cancelled, curdled Phillip Schofield going full No matter Occurred to Child Jane? on a desert island.

Imagine the hype and also you’d suppose that the present, a three-part particular during which Schofield has to movie himself marooned on a distant island for 10 days, was going to be nothing however Schofield naming names and burning all the pieces down as a result of he has nothing else to lose. However whereas that will nonetheless come to move – twice the present’s sizzle reel exhibits Schofield wild-eyed and unshaven, declaring himself to be ‘thrown beneath a bus’ – in reality the opening episode looks like two fully totally different exhibits in a single.

As chances are you’ll recall, the final we noticed of Schofield was within the aftermath of his departure from This Morning, for conducting an extramarital affair with a runner engaged on the programme. Schofield misplaced his job, This Morning nearly went down with him, and ITV confronted a parliamentary inquiry about its responsibility of care to workers. In a clutch of interviews within the fast aftermath of the scandal, Schofield regarded completely hunted. That was one 12 months and three months in the past.

And now right here he’s, forging what’s going to both be the primary seeds of a tv comeback or the incontrovertible dying knell of his profession. Truthfully, at this level it’s laborious to inform which approach it’s going to go.

As a result of, no matter you consider the person, you do need to grudgingly admit that the components the place he carries out the precise premise of the present – on an island, sunburned to hell, attempting to Go-Professional himself boiling limpets for sustenance – are fairly entertaining. A long time on the telly have taught Schofield successfully talk no matter he occurs to be doing. As such, the components the place he’s truly fending for himself, whether or not that’s by searching for out water or chasing crabs by way of the forest, work tremendously nicely. He’s frank and humorous and self-effacing about his lack of survival intuition. Throughout these sequences, it’s nearly like nothing ever occurred.

Nevertheless (and this can be a large nonetheless), the person completely can’t assist himself. It’s one factor to fend for your self in the midst of nowhere, fairly one other to do it with out performing like probably the most bitter man ever to stroll the Earth. And make no mistake, Schofield is an extremely bitter man. Earlier than he even leaves his home, he’s evaluating Forged Away to I’m a Celeb, darkly muttering that he would by no means seem on that present as a result of “there are just a few channels, some folks you gained’t work for.”

Even his farewell meal together with his household coagulates into one thing nasty, as he mockingly asks his daughter “Are you OK?” with the identical faux-concern Holly Willoughby addressed the This Morning viewership after the scandal. He additionally repeatedly mentions that some folks will want he stayed on the island for ever, and even died there, such is the colossal scale of his self-aggrandising victimhood.

Admittedly, plenty of that is right down to the best way the episodes have been constructed. The majority of Schofield’s whining comes throughout a pre-interview which has been chopped up and unfold all through the hour, to present a way that he’s completely preoccupied with the state of his profession.

However even on the island, the place he appears happier to simply get on with the duty at hand, he’s not proof against moments of ugly self-mythologising. One video diary entry is taken up with him tearfully recollecting the time a giant tattooed man gave him a hug whereas reassuring him that “They’re all shits, mate.” Moments like this genuinely make you are concerned that Schofield would possibly truly see himself as a people hero, reasonably than a bloke who received sacked for having an inappropriate office relationship.

He additionally falls prey to the traditional curse of the cancelled. “Should you’re cancelled, you’re useless,” he mutters, which might be a good sentiment if – all collectively now – he wasn’t actually saying this throughout a primetime broadcast on a terrestrial British tv channel. Simply the smallest hint of self-awareness at his scenario would go a great distance.

The impact of all that is the lingering sensation that Phillip Schofield has turn into his personal worst enemy. When the present is about literal survival, it borders on nice. However when the present simply acts as a chance for Schofield to self-indulgently lick his wounds concerning the state of his profession – and it’s that, so much – then you definitely lose all respect for the man.

As soon as once more, it’s value stating that Channel 5 desires you to consider that the actually meaty stuff – all of the Col Kurtz moments the place Schofield torches his legacy to the bottom – are within the two episodes but to return. However, actually, who has time? Sadly, the reality is that most individuals care so much much less about Phillip Schofield’s profession than Phillip Schofield would love.

Forged Away aired on Channel 5.